Keeping it Weird: How To Be Genuine AND Authentic

I treasure the times when I get to see myself through someone else's eyes, as a "reality check" so I know that my view of myself isn't the only way to look at it.

Recently, had a friend house sit for me, take care of the animals, etc. So I toured her through the house... here are the pots and pans, here's the pantry, the towels are in the bathroom, etc. When she's seen the whole house, she does a puzzled 360 and asks, "Where do you have your TV?"

The look on her face when I divulged that I don't have a TV was priceless. Really thought she was going to have a heart attack.

"What do you do in the evening?"

"Silent prayer."

But I relented after a heartbeat and told her about wifi, which gets you YouTube (she could visit my dozens of videos at humanbio4everyone, as well as TV shows, music videos, comedy, news), and I introduced her to coursera.org, and my collection of audio books, music CDs, and books.

We are all peculiar in our own ways, and I DO know that I am weirder than most. I'm a spiritual and transformational (science-based) healer, so you have to figure I am going to be a few degrees off true north, but I never really realize how weird I truly am until I encounter one of these conversations.

Wait until you hear how I celebrate Thanksgiving and New Year's Eve..... nah, that's a story for another day.

What matters is that you allow yourself to be seen as you truly are, with your values that come from your heart, that you love and are proud of yourself for those values. When someone sees who you are truly are, in all the glory of your soul, you have let them into the mystery that is you, and that is a precious gift.

If they gulp, look terrified and aver that yeah, they could learn how to read books again, that is a true friend. [When it came down to it, she gorged on audio books from the Great Courses and fell in love with my sweet dwarf rabbit.. and my extra-size tub and lavender epsom salts.]

Living inside my own head, I think my life choices and values are Normal. And that's how I've become who I am today - watching and experiencing all the wild and wonderful weirdness that other people showed me, some of which sparked answering chords in the music of MY heart.

https://video.nationalgeographic.com/video/news/171220-arctic-fox-close-vin-spd?utm_source=NatGeocom&utm_

Write From Your Heart; Learn to Love Veggies & Exercise; More... transformation for 2018!

GREAT New Classes for 2018 on the Learn It Live platform!  Join me and start transforming yourself from the inside out......

https://www.learnitlive.com/class/11734/The-3-Wise-Women-Blast-Thru-the-Barriers-to-Your-Heart

Embrace the 3 Wise Women - Connecting, Healing and Creating - and the tools they use to make you come ALIVE in body, mind and spirit!

In Connecting, you practice powerful new practices of meditation (moving!) and mindfulness that bring you into direct communication with your need and essential Heart.... 

The Wise Woman of Healing brings you reiki energy healing, the spiritual practice that the AMA says is science and evidence-based, for pain and anxiety .Because when the distraction and drama is stripped away, when the frustration and anger are not driving your bus, you come alive with all your energy. When you are healed of your harmful patterns, you are coming from Love and living in your Heart. You will have activities to practice, and a series of videos to watch while you do!

The Wise Woman of Creating brings you the alchemical power to bring beauty to the world. Many people have embraced coloring as a road to this expansiveness, but you will go much deeper. You will also learn how to create a new you through hypnosis.... the ultimate act of creation is the forging of new Heart to replace the parts that you've outgrown and that don't serve you.

This is an action packed workshop..... not to listen to, but to engage you in your transformation!

https://www.learnitlive.com/class/11733/Writing-From-the-Heart-Let-Your-Unique-Voice-Create-Health-and-Spiritual-Growth

Writing from the heart is a POWERFUL tool for stress reduction and for spiritual growth and personal insights. In the first class you get an action plan to follow to make writing part of your proactive physical health care, by sharply reducing your levels of cortisol, the dangerous stress hormone.

In the second class, you will get a second action toolkit that gives you spiritual growth and personal insight.
This is not a simple learning about it class - you get actionable plans that will make a noticeable difference in your daily happiness level!    NO critiques. Writing practices cover a dozen types of writing, so you can work at them all and decide which ones are "what you need right now."

This class will open up your heart on multiple levels, fill you with spiritual and emotional joy and allow you to hear your own unique "voice," perhaps for the first time. Victoria's writing from the heart has nothing to do with talent, skill, DNA or anything else other than willingness to DO IT - and see what results you get.

Additional Information

Victoria is the author of over 12 published books, including co-author of the Best-Selling 2018 title Grandmother Legacies, and her solo-authored Red State, Blue Heart https://www.amazon.com/Red-State-Blue-Heart-Victoria/dp/1974032272
and 101 Healthy Meals in 5 Minutes or Less
https://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Meals-Minutes-Less-Transformation/dp/1979815445/

https://www.learnitlive.com/class/8844/The-Spiritual-Path-to-LOVING-Exercise-Veggies-Yes-you-will

So many Americans hate exercise and won't do it. Not MY clients! They have learned the spiritual path to genuinely (no gimmicks) loving to feel their bodies move, and loving how they feel with veggies. We never have trouble making time for the things we love to do, and the things we love to eat. No willpower needed for me to spend an hour creating things with crochet, or photographing distant planets and galaxies. I love it! 

You love things, too. And you don't have to use any willpower to get yourself to do these things, do you?

In this one hour class, I will start you on the road to LOVING your body, moving, and loving the taste of really good, healthy food. The spiritual path is unrelated to any religion or faith. Your spirit core is where your deepest desires live. Not the substitutes that you crave, because your life is too stressful and too filled with have-to, and not enough true joy. Not that. Your spirit core will lead you to the vision of yourself, and the decisions about your life that will transform your life - and your surface desires that now are driving your life in unhealthy directions.

You can love exercise as I've learned to love it - because it is a time of loving myself and my family, preparing to do my very best as a healer, and having fun. In a typical week, I joyfully splash and play in water, deep-end in wonderfully creative dreams of crochet and acrylic artwork, and touch the deepest core of my soul. It's a wonderful life! 

No matter how many hats you are currently juggling and how many years it's been since you had anything other than popcorn and TV for yourself, if you take this class, you will be setting forth on the Hero's Journey to Health.

After the class, you'll have the option of discounts on the entire transformation program. www.soaringdragon.biz

https://www.learnitlive.com/class/8839/Harness-Your-Goddess-Energy-to-Stop-Self-Sabotage

Have you been trying to stop your self-sabotage and generate more confidence for your life, your business or your family? Not working, huh? STOP beating yourself up! You are using the wrong tools, that's all.

In this workshop, you will connect with your inner goddess energy (not associated with any religion or faith!), and watch the real barriers to your successful completion of your goals start to crumble before your eyes. Take effective action against the barriers that are holding you back.

Enrollment is limited for the highest-quality experience.

The Power of Mindfulness in Tough Times .... and a FREE class to beta-test!

This morning, so many thoughts could have crowded my brain: I was watching the Geminid meteors last night, after a very long work day completing projects, and I had to get up very early, so - the laws of mathematics cannot be conned - I was sleepy; was I going to make my Amtrak connection, four hours away?; the twisty mountain passes would be two hours of possibly icy conditions in the below-freezing temps.

And none of these thoughts had more than a fleeting hold on my mind.  

Why?

The beauty I was driving through just stunned me.  The ground was frosty, the fence posts ditto.  But the trees, the glorious trees, completely limned in white. Frost - the dew freezing on each bare branch - covering each inch, made particularly spooky and arresting by the on and off banks of heavy ground fog.  You drove through the heavy bank and suddenly emerged into a scene of wonder: meadows, some with sheep, goats and cattle grazing, others of empty whiteness; scattered open forest with light, wispy fog.

Some beauty is human created.  I promote creation among my clients partially for the health and wellness of the body doing it, and partly for the deep soul enjoyment.  And then there is the beauty that owes nothing at all to human agency, that is purely and simply a gift of the cosmos (God/karma/etc.).

It’s so important to notice these gifts, to allow them to soak into your heart and soul, to revel in them and to allow gratitude to bubble up to the surface of our minds.  There are so many undeserved gifts for us every day. 

Mindfulness trains us to notice more, to be aware of more of our world.  The mini-class debuting right after Christmas, and the full-length class debuting in 

February, start and enhance this seeing and awareness of these blessings.  Apply for FREE beta-tester status and start the year with the power of Meditation, Mindfulness and Creativity!  Email victoria@soaringdragon.biz.    

Light in the Darkness

One of the great joys of December is all the holidays of Light. The nights are becoming longer and longer. There is so much darkness in our days - and then the businesses and the homes start to twinkle like stars in the sky come down to Earth to bless us with what we most need. It's pretty, yes. But it is even more a symbol. Light in the darkness is Hope personified. The only real defeat in life is Despair.

Here is my little town of Ashland, Oregon, in the mountains just 14 miles from the California border, offering up Hope and Joy to the darkness....

Why Celebrate Beethoven by Becoming a "Point of Light"?

Beethoven's Birthday today!

Even if you don't love his music, it is undeniable that the man gave the world a great gift - soaring music in so many different genres, that influenced every generation that came after him.

OK, so the man was a genius.

But we all have gifts. ALL of us. And they need to be savored and relished for our own enjoyment - painting, coloring, writing, building dog houses.

And we need to keep reminding ourselves that some of these gifts need to be shared. The yarn group I started at my local Unitarian church has produced warm shawls and lap robes for Meals on Wheels and the local Senior Center. I have a bag, a la Santa, of 40 hats, gloves, scarves, etc. to share with the Emergency Food Bank. If you are food-insecure, you don't have $ for warmth. And if you can lower in the inner temp because you have sweaters, you can save some more $ to apply to food.

And I offer free classes every term at my local senior college. I do free health talks at the Food Co-Op. I do free work in reiki and other healing work as a percentage of my total work time.

In my parents generation - and among working class and Southerners today, especially - community work was an integral part of life. Everyone, of every income level except the dirt-poor, knew that they had a responsibility [that means, not optional] to give back out of whatever abundance they had - money, time, prayer, or all three.

The shredding of our social safety net - and Republicans going after "benefits" that we working people of America paid for, over a 47 year work life, like Medicare and Social Security - means that we have to band together as never before.

As a Hindu scripture reminds us, "Do not berate or think badly of the poor, because many poor were once prosperous - and you may someday lose your prosperity as well." In other words, we are all in this together.

So inventory what you are good at. Can you cook? (free cooking classes) Can you crochet? (sit over here by me) Can you build things? (Habitat). You get the picture.

Beethoven was a genius, and you and I are not going to have the earth-shattering impact that he had. But consider these words from Middlemarch: : "The growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs."

Every year when I pay my property taxes, I feel like the hero that I am. I am taking care of my community, without fuss or complaint. There are so many unhistoric acts of making our worlds a better place we can take.

Honor the man immortalized into the depths of space..... make your mark on your small corner of the world.

https://www.amazon.com/Red-State-Blue-Heart-Victoria/dp/1974032272/

The Secret Truth Behind the "War on Christmas"

The Truth Behind the “War on Christmas”

Of course, you know there is no war on Christmas and never was. The folks who claim otherwise are the slice of America that bemoans the Most Favored Religion status that Christianity had half a century ago. You know, religious pageants by all the kids at the PUBLIC school (including the kids whose parents were trying to teach them a different religion, or wanted their kids to have only science as their guide to life. The latter is sad, but certainly it is every parent’s right to not have a religion shoved down their children’s throats.). Christian religious decorations all over the schools. Christian religious symbols all over public, paid for by your tax dollars, government buildings, where the whole community needs to enter to receive a dog license, contest an easement or just go to work. Easter (not Spring) Break, which followed a Christian religious holiday.

Eventually, when enough new Justices were added, people who revered the Constitution and its hallowed separation of Church and State, the Supremes decided that it was all too egregiously unconstitutional. Hallelujah, said the vast majority of devout Christians, who could see the dangers to their religion in becoming a de-facto State Faith. Religion is irredeemably damaged when it gets wrapped around political power. Examples abound, both today and in previous centuries. [Email me PRIVATELY for details.]

The reason you can say Merry Christmas to someone and that someone has no idea what you really mean is because Dec 25 is a secular, civil holiday for the entire nation of citizens, as well as a religious holiday for a slice of those citizens, and the word “Christmas” has been appended to BOTH of them. If you say Merry Christmas you could be wishing someone a happy secular, civil holiday – or you could be greeting a co-religionist. You could be greeting a co-religionist and wishing them a happy BOTH holidays. Is this crazy? Ya sure, you betcha.

HOW did we get to this crazy state of affairs? The way we get to most messes: a cabal of people tried to get ascendency by grabbing power, not by earning respect. In this case, a group of Christian lawmakers thought of a clever way to make their religious holiday a national holiday – establishing their religion as the State Faith without being so overt about it that even a conservative Supreme Court couldn’t stomach it. The law establishing Dec 25th as a national, civic – secular! – holiday stated that Christmas was a holiday that was about family (not religion) and as such was embraced by all corners and segments of American society. It wasn’t true then, but the law made it so!

And that, dear devout and religious Christians, is why you can’t “Put Christ in Christmas” unless you are talking about your private religious celebrations, where he’s pretty well entrenched, you’ll have to admit. No, you can’t get Christ into a secular, civil holiday because – establishing your religion is unconstitutional in the USA. The national shopping, eating, visiting-family, commercial holiday with Frosty and Rudolph belongs to We the People. It’s a civic holiday and capitalism and customers can do whatever we like with it. THAT is the result of your co-religionists trying to pull a fast one with the US Constitution a century ago. Let that lesson sink in, really, really deeply. The reason that Christmas is no longer exclusively a day that a religious leader was born is 100% your own damn fault. 100%. You created this mess. It’s all on you. And this is one genie you will never, ever get back into the bottle.

You COULD repeal the designation of Dec 25 as a national holiday and have it return to just being a personal-choice day that religiously-inclined people can ASK their employers for [no guarantees, and it is close to the end of most companies’ fiscal year, so – good luck with that], but neither you nor the rest of us will get a paid holiday. Much less Dec 24th, Dec 26th or any other day prior to New Year’s. Wanna start using your personal vacation time to have a day or two off and skip the whole family travel thing? Hmm? Didn’t think so.

Neither will the rest of the overworked, exhausted 350 million rest of us who look forward to the only long Federally-encouraged family time off from work.

Because of the confusion with both holidays using the same words, people who are not aggressively trying to get back those halcyon days of unconstitutionality – which includes Christians who want to protect their religion as well as those of other, or no, faith tradition – coined the respectful Happy Holidays, to acknowledge that civil holiday, as well as Yule (Wiccans & other Neo-Pagans), Solstice (everyone), Hanukkah (Jews) and Bodhi Day (Buddhists). Respect is the foundation of a law-based, justice-focused democratic society. Respect is good.

And why do I say “Christians who want to protect their religion”? Well, if a holiday is purely religious, you have control of it. If you allow the name and the date to be used as a national secular holiday, then it belongs to all of us, and that includes Madison Avenue, the retail industry, Hollywood and any and all other commercial ideas that the human mind can think up.

you really follow the teachings of that marvelous, inspirational Jewish Palestinian construction worker of two millennia ago, start campaigning for a national, secular Yule Holiday on the 21st, or the 26th or some other late-December day [we need a long holiday close to New Year so we can have that family and rest time], so you can have your religious holiday back. The only thing you can’t have: Your religious ancestors wanted to force everyone to celebrate their religious holiday, as a way of either converting us all, or rubbing our faces in a de-facto theocracy.

Them days are gone for good, no matters what lies a President or politician tries to spin. You can’t slip a theocracy past the Supremes in the 21st Century, even a pack of Republican Justices. But you can put Christ back into a new exclusively-religious holiday. Heck, you could even move it back to when the Messiah was actually born – late March or early April. We’ll still have Christmas, that “family holiday enjoyed by all sectors of American society. “

Deck the halls with boughs of whatever and happy eggnog to us all, every one!

2 Reasons Why "I Don't Know" Is Your Best Road to Health, Wealth & Peace of Mind

Can “I Don’t Know” Be Your Place of Peace?

I mention in a newsletter a free offer of an onsite consult and add “Please, God, not Medford.”   One of the readers is incensed enough at what she assumes is an arrogant, superior Ashland attitude to tell me so.  Real reason: I passionately loathe red-light ticket-cameras; evidence suggests that they are a revenue-generation scam, unrelated to road safety.  So I avoid Medford except for select shopping districts which I can get to without passing the revenue-scams.  She jumped to a completely erroneous conclusion, because she assumed that she knew.  She was absolutely certain, in a situation where she had NO actual information.  All she had was a trying-to-be-funny remark and an Ashland mailing address. 

Our brains are primed to do this by millions of years during which our ancestors were lunch to every passing carnivore.  The “assume it’s an enemy” neural pathways that run through memory and limbic system are the culprits in the “jumping to a conclusion” problem.  But being sure in a situation where certainty is not immediately warranted forms a major barrier in our road to inner peace.  Think I’m exaggerating?  OK.  Eliminate all national politics from the calculation and think about the last 5 times that you got yourself into a tizzy about something.  Ask yourself WHY you were so certain that you knew the other person’s motivation and ethics.  Do this on paper, not in your head.  So you have three columns:  What I Was Sure Of; WHY I Was 100% Sure; What I Discovered When I Asked or Researched.

For most of our tizzies, that last column is blank.  We never check our assumptions. 

Now, please hear me clearly: many times we are sure because our inner wisdom has perceived one of the English-language’s covert verbal attack patterns.  Even when we can’t verbalize how we know, we accurately know that the person is an Enemy.  But it’s not our inner wisdom in every single case.  Sometimes it is our brain taking a short-cut from input to conclusion, bypassing evidence completely.  In psychology, we call this Filling in the Gaps.  Our brains “save time” by filling in the information gaps in what we see, hear or read, by filling in the gaps with beliefs, prejudices and memories of people superficially similar to this person.  This allows us to feel (limbic system, remember?) that we have the preparation for an adequate conclusion. 

In the case I started with, all my client knew about me was that I teach great classes, I write books and I live in the Ashland zipcode.  What info does a person have in all that to come to conclusions about why I avoid Medford?

The major motivation for striving to limit the short-circuits to certainty is the damage that our anger causes in our relationships, with strangers as well as loved ones, and the legitimate shame that we feel when we discover the real reason behind people’s actions.  Naturally, the road to forgiveness, of ourselves as well as others, beckons, but how much better to never go down that road at all!

It IS possible to take control of this Filling in the Gaps.  Start with awareness of the problem.  Practice stopping in your mental tracks every time you feel a conclusion forming, about anything.  Ask yourself, “WHY am I certain?”  If you can interrupt one in a hundred of your leaps to conclusion, it is a start.  As you start this process, you will get to the point where less and less of your precious peace of mind is poisoned with conclusions that you were certain about – for which a better conclusion would have been “I don’t know.”  Not knowing is an amazing place of power.  Some Not Knowing isn’t worth more effort, like why the bank teller was short with you.  [Best bet: a personal problem.]  Say a prayer, send Reiki and move on. 

As Mark Twain reminds us, “It’s not the things you don’t know that will get you into trouble.  It’s the things you know for sure that just ain’t so.”  Amen.

Victoria Leo’s books are available wherever you buy books, including Journey Out of SAD: Beat the Winter Blues – 2^nd Edition, so relevant now, and her newest:  101 Healthy Meals in 5 Min or Less (2^nd Ed) and Red State, Blue Heart  Visit her at https://blastthruthosebarriers.thinkific.com/courses, www.soaringdragon.biz, www.youtube.com/user/humanbio4everyone/videos, https://www.facebook.com/Soaring-Dragon.  

3 Videos to de-stress a Busy Life (and more resources)

It's so busy-busy in December.  But you need to stop, do 5 Breaths and the rest of the 5 Tools in 5 Minutes to maintain good decisions, and to maintain joy.


https://youtu.be/0uBe29Cx7XQ

https://youtu.be/mOXKJxct_KY



Looking at the stark color differences the day after rain turns to snow.  The bright white against the deep green, you see the big outcomes from small changes in elevation.  And our "Small decisions" can have equally large impact in our lives. There are tides in the affairs of our lives that can lead on to victory... Be mindful of every breath you take, the decisions you choose, and do the 5 Tools every day.  The small investment of time yields a huge crop of  joy, clear decisions, health [the ultimate goal!] and even income.

https://youtu.be/pRmk0FS8Lb8

For more resources:

www.soaringdragon.biz

New books:

https://www.amazon.com/Red-State-Blue-Heart-Victoria/dp/1974032272/

Humor, inspiration, thought-provoking essays on how to make American culture healthy and kindly

https://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Meals-Minutes-Less-Transformation/dp/1979815445/
101 Healthy Meals in 5 Minutes or Less

https://www.amazon.com/Busters-Healthy-Longevity-Through-Barriers-ebook/dp/B01MZ4HNRZ

101 Stress Busters

Online classes

5 Tools in 5 Minutes/Day:  Strategic Self Care for Entrepreneurs & Other Busy People
https://blastthruthosebarriers.thinkific.com/courses/106742

Kick Dieting to the Curb
https://blastthruthosebarriers.thinkific.com/courses/76428

http://blastthruthosebarriers.thinkific.com/courses/pain-free-without-drugs

Inspiration: Light in the Darkness

All we need when we are worried or confused is one light in the darkness.  That light is always there, if we are willing to see it.  Not an upending of whatever outcome we don't like, but an amelioration of pain - or any other way to be happy, without the person or outcome that we wanted for all the good reasons that we want things.

And Light never shows off so well in the daylight as it does in the dark night.  Gratitude in the dark times is the graduate degree in wisdom.  To have some peace and contentment when everything goes your way is easy, but gratitude in deep night?  That's the Victoria Cross.... for Valor under the fire of Life.

https://youtu.be/9lo7wtnqPsA

For more resources:

www.soaringdragon.biz

New books:

https://www.amazon.com/Red-State-Blue-Heart-Victoria/dp/1974032272/

Humor, inspiration, thought-provoking essays on how to make American culture healthy and kindly

https://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Meals-Minutes-Less-Transformation/dp/1979815445/
101 Healthy Meals in 5 Minutes or Less

https://www.amazon.com/Busters-Healthy-Longevity-Through-Barriers-ebook/dp/B01MZ4HNRZ

101 Stress Busters

Online classes

5 Tools in 5 Minutes/Day:  Strategic Self Care for Entrepreneurs & Other Busy People
https://blastthruthosebarriers.thinkific.com/courses/106742

Kick Dieting to the Curb
https://blastthruthosebarriers.thinkific.com/courses/76428

http://blastthruthosebarriers.thinkific.com/courses/pain-free-without-drugs

Shopping, Gift Cards, Re-Gifting and how to tell if people really love you.....

Is it Love Or Just Image?

I need to say something about the prevailing ideology that says that a "real gift" is some object that was chosen and wrapped. It's supposed to be special. The person really put effort into it, they really thought about it. Which means that: They Really Love You.

Not like those pseudo-loved ones who just gave you a gift card. [Sometimes this same insult is launched at folks who get you a sweater or other "I don't know what the hell you really want in your life right now because Hawaii for a week is too expensive and you don't tell me anything else" generic gift.]

If you don't think about it analytically and just keep it all in the (emotions) limbic system, yes, indeed, that makes 100% perfect sense. After all, a specific object was picked out, at a brick and mortar or online. It was chosen. Presumably while visions of the love between you danced in the buyer's brain.

Let me tell you what happened when I got out my ubiquitous pad of paper and did Pros and Cons, in the focused way that I describe in 101 Stress Buster for Energy, Joy and Healthy Longevity.

https://www.amazon.com/Busters-Healthy-Longevity-Through-Barriers-ebook/dp/B01MZ4HNRZ

A physical object for someone that you know at a really deep level, because they have deep and important conversations with you, and they give you 100% accurate feedback on any previous gifts: Yes, you are likely to hit the bulls-eye and match their loves of the moment, or what matters to them at a deep level long-term.

And how many human beings do you really know that well? Who tell you the 100% honest (negative) truth about your previous loving impulses?

Did I tell my sister that I look ghastly in orange? Nope. I love her and miss her so much (she lives 9000 miles away) so even before she got her terminal-cancer diagnosis, I wore the blouse a lot because it made me feel close to her. And who cares if the colors are wrong, because when I'm happy, my face glows. Did I tell my best friend that she has never, ever gotten me anything I could love and would she stop gifting? Well, the latter part, because I am encouraging us all to stop shopping and start beefing up our retirement accounts, finance more education for ourselves, and etc. But the former? Nope.

Americans are hurt by truth around gifting. It's not in our culture. So I smile, accept the love that was the true gift, and find a good person who really needs and would love the physical object. Physical objects don't matter. LOVE IS WHAT MATTERS. The physical object is just the carrying case.

What gifts do I truly love? [Hubby, too.] Gift cards. Yes. The ability to get something that I REALLY love, that I haven't told anyone about because how often does "I really wish I could afford the 1st season of XXX" come up in conversation? I don't talk about my secret desires. Neither do you.

And we all have our peculiarities. If I love something, you can send me dozens of examples (stuffed animals, for example) and as long as I still love it, I love it. But my other sister finally told me to quit with the cookbooks - bless her. Because I was finding all kinds of cool ones. For someone who really isn't crazy to try all those recipes. Which I should have known. Maybe. But for nearly all of us, the things that we love tend to be very specific. Natural stuffed animals, not "cutesy" ones. I love nature and animals, real animals, so I love natural stuffed animals. Would someone who doesn't live next door know that, no matter how deeply loved? Well, I can't remember EVER saying that to anyone, and I've, in deep meditation, gone back YEARS.

So here's my suggestion: Give up the image of love and generosity that buying "things" conveys. Give real love. Write a long, heartfelt letter and save the "thing" postage. Enclose a gift card to somewhere you know s/he shops and let them get that silly secret desire that they would not otherwise convince themselves that they "deserve" - because they have retirement, college and property taxes that come ahead in the queue for spending.

Research says that even $10 off allows us to "feel" that it's logical to buy a thing. And a $10 gift card is just that little "It's OK" message that can push your loved one to plunge for that thing that you would never, ever have imagined they love. I won't tell you some of the secret desires of my soul that even my husband doesn't know about..... He doesn't need to. His loving gift is "Go ahead." I decide what I really, really desire, and get it. And hide it. Until Solstice eve.

Whether you choose "things" or just love or a gift card, do please meditate on the judgment that one is better than another, or that one conveys more love than another (including the always-pernicious "how much did it cost?" calculation). How much someone loves you is a summation of actions and thoughtful words over 365 days, not a conclusion based on one action, the full ramifications of which you do NOT know, no matter how much you think you know about them and their situation.

And re-gifting? Again, there is ego [I spent X $ and XX amount of time choosing it just for them and they don't value it, so they don't value me]. The 2nd half of that does not follow from the first! The fact that I look hideous in orange doesn't mean that I don't love my sister nor does it mean that she doesn't love me. It was a gift from her closet (she's a lovely lady with different colors) and her heart, emphasis on the latter. My mother took every appliance my sister gave her, and gave it away. Sis got mad. But mom didn't want stuff. She enjoyed helping others. So mom used the gifts to get the warm fuzzies she craved and a kitchen devoid of "unnecessary" appliances. She considered a clothes washes unnecessary, just to give you a hint.

If you are counting the time and money, then the gift isn't about love, it's about payback. If you're not giving and letting go of the outcome, then don't, for heaven's sake, give anyone anything - ever! If you aren't OK with letting the recipient decide what to do with it, it's not a gift, it's an attempt to control.

So - here's my thought. I think that if you know people who need and want X, if you get an X and don't want/need the physical object, and you give it to those who will be filled with joy to receive it..... Aren't you spreading love and reducing suffering in the world? Isn't the person who gifted you, not only giving YOU love but also helping others? is there any faith or wisdom tradition on Earth that does not have a sentence in their canon about feeding the hungry and housing the homeless and other acts of sharing? I've got two grad degrees, so I have combed the lit on this one. There really isn't one.

So spend hours picking out specific gifts, if that is your idea of having fun - but if you are gunny-sacking obligation along with the physical object, then leave it on the shelf. Give whatever you want to give, without strings attached and feel your heart be at peace. The love was conveyed and the moment will always be treasured, as love should always be treasured. Hand it over and let it soar as the recipient wills, to their closet, to their holiday-for-the homeless bag or to the neighbor who really, really needs it.

Give it some meditation and see what you think....

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