2 Reasons Why "I Don't Know" Is Your Best Road to Health, Wealth & Peace of Mind

Can “I Don’t Know” Be Your Place of Peace?

I mention in a newsletter a free offer of an onsite consult and add “Please, God, not Medford.”   One of the readers is incensed enough at what she assumes is an arrogant, superior Ashland attitude to tell me so.  Real reason: I passionately loathe red-light ticket-cameras; evidence suggests that they are a revenue-generation scam, unrelated to road safety.  So I avoid Medford except for select shopping districts which I can get to without passing the revenue-scams.  She jumped to a completely erroneous conclusion, because she assumed that she knew.  She was absolutely certain, in a situation where she had NO actual information.  All she had was a trying-to-be-funny remark and an Ashland mailing address. 

Our brains are primed to do this by millions of years during which our ancestors were lunch to every passing carnivore.  The “assume it’s an enemy” neural pathways that run through memory and limbic system are the culprits in the “jumping to a conclusion” problem.  But being sure in a situation where certainty is not immediately warranted forms a major barrier in our road to inner peace.  Think I’m exaggerating?  OK.  Eliminate all national politics from the calculation and think about the last 5 times that you got yourself into a tizzy about something.  Ask yourself WHY you were so certain that you knew the other person’s motivation and ethics.  Do this on paper, not in your head.  So you have three columns:  What I Was Sure Of; WHY I Was 100% Sure; What I Discovered When I Asked or Researched.

For most of our tizzies, that last column is blank.  We never check our assumptions. 

Now, please hear me clearly: many times we are sure because our inner wisdom has perceived one of the English-language’s covert verbal attack patterns.  Even when we can’t verbalize how we know, we accurately know that the person is an Enemy.  But it’s not our inner wisdom in every single case.  Sometimes it is our brain taking a short-cut from input to conclusion, bypassing evidence completely.  In psychology, we call this Filling in the Gaps.  Our brains “save time” by filling in the information gaps in what we see, hear or read, by filling in the gaps with beliefs, prejudices and memories of people superficially similar to this person.  This allows us to feel (limbic system, remember?) that we have the preparation for an adequate conclusion. 

In the case I started with, all my client knew about me was that I teach great classes, I write books and I live in the Ashland zipcode.  What info does a person have in all that to come to conclusions about why I avoid Medford?

The major motivation for striving to limit the short-circuits to certainty is the damage that our anger causes in our relationships, with strangers as well as loved ones, and the legitimate shame that we feel when we discover the real reason behind people’s actions.  Naturally, the road to forgiveness, of ourselves as well as others, beckons, but how much better to never go down that road at all!

It IS possible to take control of this Filling in the Gaps.  Start with awareness of the problem.  Practice stopping in your mental tracks every time you feel a conclusion forming, about anything.  Ask yourself, “WHY am I certain?”  If you can interrupt one in a hundred of your leaps to conclusion, it is a start.  As you start this process, you will get to the point where less and less of your precious peace of mind is poisoned with conclusions that you were certain about – for which a better conclusion would have been “I don’t know.”  Not knowing is an amazing place of power.  Some Not Knowing isn’t worth more effort, like why the bank teller was short with you.  [Best bet: a personal problem.]  Say a prayer, send Reiki and move on. 

As Mark Twain reminds us, “It’s not the things you don’t know that will get you into trouble.  It’s the things you know for sure that just ain’t so.”  Amen.

Victoria Leo’s books are available wherever you buy books, including Journey Out of SAD: Beat the Winter Blues – 2^nd Edition, so relevant now, and her newest:  101 Healthy Meals in 5 Min or Less (2^nd Ed) and Red State, Blue Heart  Visit her at https://blastthruthosebarriers.thinkific.com/courses, www.soaringdragon.biz, www.youtube.com/user/humanbio4everyone/videos, https://www.facebook.com/Soaring-Dragon.  

SO much of how we feel about our lives has to do with our daily interactions with others - from the folks we see every day, to the seemingly "unimportant" little things. I am thinking about two very different travel incidents....

Amtrak: for sit-down meals, you are seated family-style. So I was traveling alone and the server directed a group of three to my table. But they took a look at me and then swerved to quickly sit down at the next completely-unoccupied table (which boogered up the overall seating plan for the servers). The server had pointed them where to go, and had to take a deep breath to not let the exasperation show. Their explanation was that they "Didn't want to split up." Obviously, since they would still be all together at the table in any case, they wanted to keep the conversation within the group and not have to meet someone new. We Amtrak-lovers enjoy the fun people you meet at meals, and I missed the positive energy that mealtimes always have.

But I remembered it a week later when I was on Alaska Air, on a 1/3 filled flight where I had the aisle and a quiet young gent was blissing out on his ipod in the window seat. The flight attendant came thru the cabin and told us that we could move anywhere we wanted. "Meh," sez me. "Do you want to move? I'll get up, no problem." He didn't care to move either. very little chatting but a comfortable energy for the flight.

Such a difference. Lots more room at table on Amtrak, but it felt, in its own little way, lonelier. Even when we don't say it in words, there is a comfort in being welcomed, in having one's presence valued.

As we approach the holiday of Thanksgiving, let's look for ways to be welcoming, to be grateful for the little acts of "yes" that we can incorporate into every day. There are NO little human acts.

_____________________________

Looking for some great holiday gifts? BOOKS! Help your loved ones get healthier and happier with the 2nd edition of 101 Healthy Meals in 5 Minutes or Less - on Amazon for Nov 25th! In bookstores by mid-December.

https://www.amazon.com/Red-State-Blue-Heart-Victoria/dp/1974032272/ A funny memoir!

https://www.amazon.com/Busters-Healthy-Longevity-Through-Barriers-ebook/dp/B01MZ4HNRZ 101 Stress Busters - really 87 ways to have great fun AND lengthen your life!

https://www.amazon.com/Journey-Out-SAD-Seasonal-Expanded-ebook/dp/B01KN72IT0/ The best guide to avoiding winter depression, and help year-round depression!

Preventing Dementia and Cognitive Decline: Two Interesting Ideas: Part 2

The two ideas for preventing cognitive decline I will outline here involve a particular food, and a way of living.

The food is chocolate, specifically dark chocolate with at least 70% genuine cocoa.  Small amounts.  The flavonoids help break up brain plaques, according to an analysis of 14 small studies, reported in a reputable nutrition journal.  We all believe that one because it's what we want to be true!!  

The way of living that has also been shown to be a powerful preventer (unless, like my mother, grandmother and aunt, you have a strong genetic driver; thank god I'm adopted) is continuing to stress your brain by making it learn new things.  The reason I say stress is that stem cells in your hippocampus won't be stimulated to create new neurons if you give yourself challenges that are easily achieved.  So take classes at the local universities "senior college."  I teach at the OLLI associated with Southern Oregon University, and it's great fun to teach as well.  I take tough and complicated classes free online through Coursera.org, a consortium of major universities, including Princeton, Harvard, U of Copenhagen (origin of the universe and life, 12 weeks, incredible) and U Alberta (that amazing 3 course sequence on dinosaurs, OMG!), Caltech, MIT, Harvard - you get the picture.  Really fun.  Really mentally challenging, even more so than my OLLI, because I have tests during the video lessons and at the end of each week's work.  I don't HAVE to pass, that's why it's free, but I WANT to test myself.

Books clubs, if they are run by serious, challenging thinkers, can work the same way.  [Some are more opinions than "backing up conclusions with facts" types of groups, so they are social rather than brain-stimulating.  Both types have their value!]

Reading non-fiction is something that you can do on your own.  Do comprehensive, clearly-articulated "book reports" on your blog or Facebook page.  Hell of a lot more interesting for your readers than what you had for lunch or how bummed out and bored you are because it's raining, right?  If you don't have friends who appreciate that kind of post, Friend me, because *I* do!

Learning a language is a perennial good idea.  It might take you longer to get fluent than it would have when you were younger, but that's not a reason to never start, right?  If you travel, set yourself a goal of knowing 10 key phrases and have a vocabulary of at least 50 additional words before you leave.  I have found that basic conversation, even if you are stammering and mis-pronouncing, signals to others that you are making an effort to meet them on THEIR ground, and generates reciprocal kindness.  Which you need when you are traveling, amen.

Just being able to read signs is a confidence booster.  I remember being in Moscow when my host stopped to gas up the car and I tried reading the signs.  One interesting one was "motor masla."  Motor was a car but masla was butter.  Butter in your car?  Then my brain crunched on butter, kinda-like oil, and the answer was clear.  Or when driving in rural Quebec and saw signs for "Maiz" (or was it maz?).  God bless my large English vocabulary.  Maize is another name for corn.  Yeah!  I can read French!


Explore more ideas at www.soaringdragon.biz.  Check out my newest book (Oct 2017):

https://www.amazon.com/Red-State-Blue-Heart-Victoria/dp/1974032272/   

Being in Pain = Shorter Life! And it's not for the reason you think.....

A comprehensive medical study in the UK says that we can say that being in chronic pain by itself is enough to boost your chances of dying in the next year by a statistically-significant amount.

"Just" pain, say people who don't know what they're talking about. But, as I explain in my new class

http://blastthruthosebarriers.thinkific.com/courses/pain-free-without-drugs

I DO know, as a health coach and transformational healer, and as a former sufferer.

Why the higher % of death? The side effects of constant pain: lack of exercise; going for comfort food rather than veggies and nutrition, sedentary life; stress, worry, anxiety.

So my mini-course becomes even more relevant. If you're in pain, you need to get it to stop, using non-drug methods that work. And you have to be aware of the gentle exercise [see my min-course] and the easy healthy eating [101 Healhy Meals in 5 Minutes or Less http://www.amazon.com/101-Healthy-Meals-Minutes-Less/dp/] and you need to find ways to distract yourself from the worry-thoughts [101 Stress Busters https://www.amazon.com/Busters-Healthy-Longevity-Through-Barriers-ebook/dp/B01MZ4HNRZ].

Key Components of HR Wellness and Motivation Programs: It's Not What You Think!

I was talking to a health and benefits manager about intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. She is reading articles that tell her that only intrinsic motivations matter. But I know so much research that validates my instant-salivation when someone says $100 Amazon Gift-Card. So here's my take, in written form:

Extrinsic motivation is motivation that is focused outward, to the environment that the person is in. For example, you give people a $100 gift card or a reduction in their health insurance premiums if they get screened by their doctor and then talk with a health coach at least once a month, to focus on reducing weight, blood pressure or emotional stress in their lives - all factors that are known to lead to expensive illnesses. The person is taking action because you are dangling money (an external factor) or you are threatening them with a negative outcome (higher premiums).

Intrinsic motivation is motivation (desire) that stems from inside the person. The group increases the customer satisfaction by decreasing the fail rate of a product, and they do that because they are given more autonomy in their work and they are on fire to do a good job, because a good job reflects on their vision of themselves. They want to see themselves as Quality Performers, so they are internally-powered to think of new ideas and put them into practice. They take ownership of the result because they truly, deeply care (are motivated).

However, human beings are complex, and simple definitions don't model human beings very well. Most people take action or stop taking action, or shift their internal beliefs, because of both intrinsic and extrinsic factors. The most successful Human Resources changes include both intrinsic and extrinsic components. In the intrinsic example above, the professionals started to take more ownership of the final result (shifted to more intrinsic motivation) when they were given more power and autonomy to make changes; if the company just talks, or brings in a "motivational speaker," the results will not last, because deep desire isn't engaged by just talk.

One interesting result is that positive external incentives work more effectively than negative incentives. From a psychology perspective, consider that if you want people to change deeply ingrained habits, are they more likely to do so if they are cheerfully walking toward a reward, or are angry and resentful (you are increasing their premiums unless they comply)?

In the example of improving health outcomes, the best results seem to include both extrinsic factors (the positive financial incentives) and the addition of intrinsic motivation. The health coaches provide encouragement and inspiration, and the best coaches will stress the outcome of the changes: that the employee will be more likely to stay healthy for their children if they maintain a healthy weight and blood pressure. A strong desire to do the best for one's children is a common intrinsic motivation to get healthier.

Understanding that people are complex, that intrinsic and extrinsic motivations work best when both are active, and that carrots (positives) work better than sticks (negatives) can help guide a company to their true end goal - greater profits through more educated and trained, happier and more engaged workers.

Have you Heard?? Moderately Overweight Is Healthier Than Being Slim!

Except that it's not true.....

There was a big flurry of reporting about a meta-study that seemed to indicate that being a bit chub was better than being slim. A bunch of doctors thought that there was an unseen factor at work: many illnesses cause loss of weight. Were some of those slim people really ill with things that only showed up later ?

New study says yes: if you eliminate the people who recently lost weight due to illness, and just look at longer-term trends, then the "advantage" of moderate chub disappears and you are left with the same message that we've been hating.....

Overweight kills. It takes years off your healthy potential lifespan, either by making you ill & miserable or by killing you outright.

We're not talking about 10 pounds for a woman of average height. If you are over 60, 10 pounds has a very small impact on mortality or morbidity (getting sick with a serious disease), and even at a younger age, it's not worth heroic measures to get that gone. But DON'T LET IT GET OVER 10 POUNDS.

I know that many of my clients and friends are sick of the weight/fat issue. Fair enough. But I have to keep banging on about it, because my work is about facts and truth. I have to tell you what is true, not what you want to hear, as a matter of ethics.

And the more fun you're having, the easier everything else is, including eating kale and working out every single day, if you choose the path of health and longevity. I put together a whole lotta fun in 101 Stress Busters (Amazon or your local bookseller) and I have some very relaxing journeys (FREE) on the Classes tab of soaringdragon.biz.

Make your life joyous, whatever life path you choose!

Clean Eating and Having Fun!

Chop and then  saute - nearly anything.  My cookbook 101 Healthy Meals in 5 Minutes or Less has the recipes, but this shows how easy it is, and how much fun!

FREE: Extended deadline: Kick Dieting to the Curb: Get and Stay at your Healthy Weight Forever!

Extending my FREE beta class!

Losing weight and staying healthy has never been harder - and you know this.  Junk food is everywhere, employers want us to overwork and never exercise, have hobbies or any fun, and we have kids, cats and parents - not to mention cell phones - that need attending to.

But the reason we don't have what we want is only because we aren't going about it in a comprehensive way.  We CAN make time for the healthy habits that we need to have a joyful and vibrant life, with peace of mind and clothes that fit the healthy size we want to be.  Willpower won't do it, but having a touchstone will.  Buying a bike and not riding it won't, but a movement plan that fits your life as it really exists.  Sleeping for 8 hours and reclaiming your birthright of clear thinking and energy can be yours.  The deep psychic surgery that excises the voices that are keeping you stuck is hard work but you have courage, and you WILL succeed - because you have the best guide in the world, right here, working to make it happen.  It will!

https://my.leadpages.net/page/5720929187397632/

I need Beta testers for my new online class.  You get everything in the actual class - all the videos, links to inexpensive books of tools, all the support that will MAKE IT HAPPEN!

YOU CAN!  

The "fine print" is that if I let you have a $100 class for FREE, you have to make a commitment to FINISH it - no "I'm too busy" stuff.  If you aren't willing to clear your calendar for 2 hours/week to make massive changes in your "problems list" - if you don't really want to let go of the pain and disappointment that you are currently living with, then let me be blunt: don't waste my time.  I will be giving 100% to you and I need a commitment back from you.  Come back when your level of pain has reached the unbearable point and you are ready to commit.  Even though it will be $97 or more by then, if you are willing to commit, then it will work for you.  If you aren't ready to let go of what isn't working, then you aren't ready.  All is well.  You'll know when it's time, because the pain will propel you to the comprehensive solution of never having to diet again. 

https://my.leadpages.net/page/5720929187397632/

Take a Spiritual Path to More Effective Weight Loss

There are about a million blog posts, videos and even books on how to lose weight and (presumably) keep it off.  

We all know that we need to eat fewer calories, burn up more calories and jigger our internal biochemistry so that we preferentially ditch fat not muscle mass.  How do you do that?  You eat abstemious amounts of healthy food.  No, pizza isn't on the list, except for my birthday and Christmas.  Had my Xmas cake and GOD WAS IT GOOD.  Ahem. I love veggies.  Yes, I do.  Or to be exact, I like the health that I get when I eat veggies and a lean vegetarian diet.  

We all know that we need to move our bodies, to build muscle mass [no, ladies, you will never look like AHnold, no matter how muscled you get; bulgy muscles come from testosterone and have nothing to do with actual strength] and to juice metabolism.  YOU NEED TO MOVE.  You need strength training with weights and with yoga. And you need aerobic activity that gets you to sweat.  You cannot, cannot, cannot get healthy without exercise.  I did an entire class on the mental blocks about exercise and how to overcome them.

And you need to jigger your metabolism.  If you have winter blues, you need to get that under control [Journey Out of SAD, 2nd Ed., at Amazon or your local bookseller].  If you aren't spending time every day in effective stress control, that will shift your hormones.  101 Stress Busters for Energy, Joy and Healthy Longevity is just out!  Amazon or your local bookseller.  You absolutely, positively cannot be healthy with cortisol, adrenalin and hormones that are screaming at your body to hold on to fat.  Can't be done.  You have to prioritize this and strategize to spring loose time for it.

But you know that - or some of it.

What you don't know is that relying on willpower will just get you through a few weeks at most.  Then you will start making an exception to your new regime.... just this once.  And then it will be every other day and then it will be gone entirely.

You need to harness the deep parts of your mind, where you genuinely make your decisions, and where unresolved anger, resentment and childhood damage and adult trauma generate powerful pulls away from health and wellness, into passionate needs to assuage all those feelings through substitutes like cake... TV....video games.... you name it.

You don't really want those substitutes, at a deep level.  You want to be happy, at a deep level.  The only way to circumvent the sabotage that is running 24x7 in your deep levels, is to get down there with clinical hypnotherapy and turn it OFF.  And substitute a belief that you really can get what you really want.  And deep surgery to heal whatever needs healing, so it is gone forever.  Surface treatments like affirmations and coaching can never, ever have a lasting impact, because they can't get to the deep levels where the sabotage is happening.  Only hypnosis can do that - and you're only safe with an experienced, highly trained practitioner.  [I was in training and supervision for a year at my school. You want this level of training, not a grad of a quickie course, who doesn't know what they are doing with these major issues, this deep surgery.]

So think it over.  Do you want to have change that lasts?  Yes? Then sign up for a FREE transformation class.

For those with spirituality in their lives, many of these classes use spiritual tools.

And when you are ready to REALLY commit to change, find the package that is specially tuned to your specific problem, or a 30 day program just for you, at 

http://www.soaringdragon.biz/sessions-classes/

https://www.learnitlive.com/class/9897/FREE-Transforming-My-Beliefs-About-Myself-The-Creator

https://www.learnitlive.com/class/8842/Retrain-Your-Immune-System-Smarter-Cells-Healthier-Life

https://www.learnitlive.com/class/8844/The-Spiritual-Path-to-LOVING-Exercise-Veggies-Yes-you-will

https://www.learnitlive.com/class/8839/Harness-Your-Goddess-Energy-to-Stop-Self-Sabotage

https://www.learnitlive.com/class/8843/5-Magic-Components-of-Your-Successful-Self-Care-Program-Starting-with-Self-Love

Or explore the list of almost-free classes:

https://www.learnitlive.com/class/9895/Meet-Your-Biological-Ancestors

https://www.learnitlive.com/class/9896/30-Days-Create-Your-Way-to-Health-and-Joy

https://www.learnitlive.com/class/9873/6-Week-Stress-Busters-for-People-Who-Don-t-Have-Time-to-Waste

https://www.learnitlive.com/class/9879/Goddess-Connection-to-Drive-Weight-Loss-6-Weeks-to-Happy-and-Healthy

https://www.learnitlive.com/class/10091/Become-the-Shaman-of-Your-Own-Life