A seminar attendee asked me yesterday what I considered the
biggest blind spot in the human soul.
What would you say? There are so
many amazing candidates for that honor.
Close your eyes, breathe deeply for a few moments to let your heart soar,
and watch all of your own candidates bubble up to the surface.
What did I answer?
What was “top of mind” for me, and what I said, was that we forget that
humanity was never, ever designed to be a solitary problem-solver. As far back as we go in the hominin lineage,
and back much, much farther than that, we see groups of people constantly
working together, healing each other, giving each other a hand up, seamlessly shifting
from give to take, moment by moment.
Group living conveys so much benefit, from safety from predators to
lowered cortisol levels and improved immune system function. Today, the “predators” are rent increases,
medical crises, car accidents and malevolent co-workers, but the same
advantages are there.
Except that we’re not taking advantage of what we evolved
for. Modern US culture creates people
who grow up with the bizarre belief that they are supposed to solve their
problems alone, figure out their dilemmas alone and rely on their personal
resources alone. THAT, I said, is the biggest
blind spot in the American soul. We
evolved for alliances, and we stubbornly, insistently, cut ourselves off from
our own strongest power and fastest road to success.* So many
of us have rebelled against the dangers of dependency and have gone to the
other extreme, because those are the two choices our culture allows us. Our souls want to be interdependent within a
reciprocating system of allies.
The next time you have a dilemma, keep this blind spot in
mind. Here are some hints:
Hint #1: You could hire someone to do some
things for you. You need to move, so you
hire some people and a truck. You need a
stump dug and instead of putting your 50-year-old back out, you get a
moonlighting young neighbor to do it.
Your small business needs bookkeeping and you hire someone. When you hire someone, you send cash-energy
circulating in the world, you allow people to feed and support themselves and
their families and you tie connect yourself to the wider world.
Hint #2: You swap with someone. I don’t have the physical abilities to take
care of my ¾ acre healing center entirely on my own. I am a truly amazing healer of minds and
bodies. Put the two together.
The swap might not even be obvious as a swap. I spent 18 months in a weekly cleaning session every Saturday afternoon for a friend who was recovering from serious surgery. He got the physical help he needed and I got two hours of stimulating intellectual discussion and deep philosophical insights. That was a fair swap. When I lived in North Carolina, I had all the neighbor kids at my house for a monthly Girls Night Out for their single moms, a nine-month swap instigated by me and enjoyed by all.
Hint #3: You could receive a gift. I spent two hours today sending a friend on
her first Reiki and hypnotherapy journey to end her anxiety and insomnia. I enjoyed the thrill of a really amazing
healing session and so did she. So many
people have reached out a hand and pulled me out of mires, over the course of
my life, and the same is true for all of us.
The universe contains both challenges and gifts. Ask for the resources you need, from
individuals and from public options. Ask
gently and if help isn’t possible from one source, keep asking until you have
the resources you need to thrive. Those
who can’t help you directly can send you their prayers. Breathe deeply and let the prayer-energy fill
your soul and give you the courage to keep going.
Hint 4: You could borrow or repurpose a
resource someone isn’t using. So many
times, when I have been tunnel-visioning on a problem, someone will come up
with a resource that could be repurposed to give me what I need now – either my
resource or theirs.
The only failure is the choice to turn inward and believe that you are an entire universe. You aren’t and never can be. Your DNA is screaming for you to expand your vision. The resources to solve your dilemmas exist. After you have brainstormed, repurposed and juggled your own resources, expand your heart again and see what the wider energetic world might have for you as a swap, a purchase, a repurpose, a borrow or a gift.
Don’t fail.
*Yes, I really talk like this. On our first email exchange, before our first
in-person date, my future husband said that I looked a lot like his
step-daughter. Sure, sez I, because
60,000 years ago, massive volcanic eruptions killed off the entire human
species except for 2000 individuals in East Africa, so all the 8 billion of us
alive today are the descendants of a very small gene pool, so of course lots of
us look alike. I don't try to be a nerd. It just leaps out of my throat on its own.
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