Character, integrity
and self-control: Starting to look kind of attractive, actually
Do more of what makes you happy. It’s so easy for this to become a joke, an
invitation to self-indulgence and hedonistic indifference. I was struck this week at how American
culture has shifted from character values that I grew up with. A woman that I gifted with a $100 piece of
exercise equipment complained to the Facebook group admin because the equipment
didn’t fit under her bed. Oh,
waaah. [I mistook the vendor and posted
it wrong, then corrected it. Hint: the
originally-described equipment wouldn’t have fit under her bed, either. And since when am I or anyone else responsible
for something fitting under your bed?
Bring it back or otherwise deal with it.]
How I was raised: if someone gives you
something as a gift, the ONLY acceptable response is “Thank you.” Then shut up, completely, permanently and
forever. Even if it’s the wrong size,
the color is horrible and it doesn’t fit under your bed. You don’t pretend to be grateful to the
gifter’s face and then spew complaints to an authority-figure third party or
the rest of the family or Facebook Friend cohort behind your gifter’s
back.
People used to think less of you for that kind of weasely
behavior. No more. And maybe that’s a mistake. Maybe we want to take our culture back in the
direction of character. Maybe we want to
embrace actions of integrity – like talking TO people, not ABOUT people. Maybe we want to deal with it a bit more and
whine a lot less.
I know that after the Great Recession, in which I and
millions of other Americans lost our shirts, with a weak, contingent-labor-loving
employment paradigm, and about 1% of the previous level of economic and
emotional safety, a lot of us are very, very frightened, to our cores. Frightened of outcomes that would be
unthinkable in any other advanced First World country, like living on the
street. And when people are scared, and
know that they have no power to get back at their oppressors, they look for the
nearest easy, weak target for their rage.
They find that easy, weak target in people less able than themselves –
people who are financially struggling even more (and can’t fight back
effectively), who are disabled, who are a minority color or religion or
culture. Or even just the nice people
like me who are kind, generous and not as sly and political as they are.
What if we all just collectively cut it out?
Do more POSITIVE THINGS that make you happy. Color with your kids, then put them to bed
early and relax with a book for an hour.
Make nice with your neighbors who like you kids and will supervise their
homework while you go to the gym, listen to Taylor Swift and improve your
health. Find the “free museum” day and
take yourself off for a date with joy.
As the frustrations of the day build up, stop, take five deep, slow
breaths and visualize tropical paradises or some of your life’s happy
memories. You have them, you know you
do!
Do this enough times and you won’t come home ready to spew
lies and vitriol on your fellow-travelers through the travails of life.
Do more of what makes
you genuinely happy. Kicking the dog –
or your fellow struggling humanity – will never do it. My mother taught me to have courage and be
kind a half-century before Disney turned it into a cliché. Do more of that – and you will be happy.
Having trouble being happy? Call for a FREE Getting Unstuck session! No sales pitch, a free roadmap to how to make life less fraught and more fun. You deserve to be happy....
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