Surviving Thanksgiving - with joy and genuine gratitude!

Families, these days as I suspect, always, don't always have a lot in common..... so conversation can be commonplace or contentious [the ever inappropriate "When are you going to get married/get the career that *I* want you to pursue, etc.?"] but it is only very rarely charming, witty, engaging and fun.

Hence we need something to do with the beloved family that we nagged to come visit us. What the heck do you do after all the rushing around for the meal, and the after-meal ball game, are over?

Movies are popular - people can enjoy AND SHUT UP for two hours, hallelujah. Going out somewhere - zoo, museum, etc. works if it isn't Puget Sound (always raining) or Snow Zone (unless you can get them skiing, making snow people and castles, etc.).

Another idea is to set up creativity projects. Get the contentious people out of the house by any means (an attraction, get them arrested, don't invite them in the first place, whatever works), then settle in with:

** Coloring station. I LOVE this and so do more and more people. Get some nature oriented natural scenes from Dover Publications. Heaven.

** Go to Joanne's or Michael's and buy holiday ornament kits and chivvy, nag, encourage everyone to grab one and start painting.

There are also decorations to be painted. Get the kids involved if it's not suitable for outdoor running around.

Creating things generates biochemical changes in the body that leads to happy feelings! Consider paper-based mosaics and other fun outlined in my book 101 Stress Busters.

https://www.amazon.com/Busters-Healthy-Longevity-Through-Barriers-ebook/dp/B01MZ4HNRZ (ebook or print)

While you are creating, get the older folks reminiscing about their childhoods. What did they do to create? Did they sew their clothes? Could they teach you how? Did they ever take art classes? Did they have unmarried siblings or cousins? Were any of them creative?

You get the picture. Steer the conversation AWAY from the traditional things they did at Thanksgiving, with large families and people who only lived 5 miles away from each other. They nag and complain about you, because they want to keep things static, but the arrow of time moves, and what used to be happy and healthy no longer is, for many of us.

If you can get it going, ** having everyone right a letter to their future self, ten years in the future, making predictions, expressing hopes and dreams - and DON'T SHARE THEM or they won't be honest and real.

How about, while you're coloring, ** have people dream-vacation. Sure, there will be the usual tropical island, because Americans don't get enough rest and holiday time, and we have more reasons for anxiety, with no health care, fewer good jobs and an uncertain economic future BUT keep the conversation going, dig down deep, ask for details. They can dream of more than sunscreen and lying in the sun, doing nothing, if they are forced to. No one is really that dull-witted. Suggest excursions. Would they reef-snorkle? Take a boat to a nearby island and picnic?

And maybe, if you're lucky, have people write down a gratitude list, and put the lists in a bowl and pick a list and read it, with respect, without trying to figure out who dunnit, and without shaming or criticizing the writer. True gratitude, beyond the platitudes, is what this holiday is all about.

The original thanksgiving day was in Virginia. The folks prayed, ate some seafood and went to bed. That might not be practical unless you live alone or with someone equally spiritual, but the closer you can get to the true spirit of humility and gratitude, the happier you will be when you wake up on National Leftovers Day (aka Black Friday).

Bless us all, every one.

5 Ways to Boost Your Energy, Boost Your Joy, Lose Weight AND Much More!

 One of my constant refrains in my group coaching as well as individual programs is that joy comes from learning new things. If you haven't done any significant non-career learning in a while, this probably sounds .

So here's my suggestion: trust me enough to try it. Options are endless. There are practical classes (what to do when the next disaster strikes; how to fly-fish, etc), and there are fascinating, intellectually-stimulating classes (how did the early Christians evolve their idea that Jesus was god; how did dinosaurs evolve into birds; how to write engaging travel stories for your family to enjoy).

What they all have in common is that they are engaging (you are thinking about them, not politics, the bills, your teenagers, your boss or the job market), and they are FUN.  When you spend time having fun and learning, as opposed to fun that you’ve done many times before (watch football on TV), you make more areas in your brain work.  You particularly make your hippocampus, where memory is stored, work hard.  The harder it works, the larger it gets.  New neurons emerge from neuronal stem cells if you work your hippocampus enough.  [Stress kills neurons and shrinks your hippocampus.] 

As you move through life, you tend to get into habits and routines, so your brain starts to “coast.”  When you are not learning new things, you invite cognitive decline to make a home, a process that doesn’t wait until you are in your 60s, please note!  I totally get why most of us don’t want to go into Learner Mode.  A Learner, by definition, hasn’t got a clue what’s going on. Do you enjoy that lost and clueless feeling?  No, course, not.  THAT, dear friends, more than the “I don’t have time to have fun” is the real reason why Learning isn’t compelling.  If we’re honest, those of us who “don’t have time” do make time for sitcoms and sports.   

Do you have any idea how many dinosaur species you get to learn about and try to remember in the Paleontology: How Therapod Dinosaurs Became Birds class from U of Alberta on Coursera?  A lot. I wasn’t taking it for a grade, so who cares how many times I take the tests before I get it?  Just trying to remember as much as possible was enough of a workout to kick my hippocampus’ butt.  Man, was that fascinating!  Hubby and I couldn’t tear ourselves away, every evening for a week.  And it was FREE. 

You want your hippocampus as robust as possible if you are going to avoid Alzheimer’s, and besides, learning is FUN. 

So here’s my challenge to you all:  One night this week, turn the TV off, get the kids to do their chores, and sit down at your Internet and research:

·        **  Coursera – where I do my dinosaur study, and many others learn history, language, writing, and on and on.  Most classes are FREE.  I've learned from Laura.com, but that's mostly work-related, not fun.  I have heard good things about Udemy, but haven't taken anything there.

·        ** The Great Courses – which aren’t free, but are regularly discounted, and many libraries carry some of them.  I bought How Jesus Became God and was amazingly enlightened at hundreds of years of conceptual evolution on just exactly who Jesus was, and if he was god, when he became god.  Whatever your actual beliefs, the history is can’t-stop-listening engrossing.

·       ** Local community centers  – where you can try something entirely different to give your hippocampus a real workout.  How about art?  [Can’t do it?  Great.  Skilled is what you are when you FINISH, not before you start!]  You can sign up for exercise classes while you’re at it.  My community center has a water slide that is open on Saturday mornings.  Just try to convince me that’s not fun.  You can’t.  Your head is shaking but your lips are curving up in an unconscious smile.  You know how much fun it is. 

·       **  Local community colleges will let you attend some classes without a grade.  If you want to attend Over 55/Senior college, you can, even if you’re not quite that experienced with life.  You don’t have to dye your hair grey and the yearly fee is only $125 in my town.

The key is to set aside your performance anxiety and your reluctance to be clumsy and dopey (as one of my clients put it).  Not knowing what you’re doing is the fog that clears as you work at it.  Working your brain and having fun doing it is the greatest rejuvenator of tired minds, hearts and souls, second only to physical exercise.  I combine the two by looking through crochet-pattern and art-instruction books while I fast-walk on a treadmill, 4 days a week.  [The other three I splash and laugh in water aerobics classes.  Not too much learning, but lots of movement; laughter reduces my cortisol load as well.]  When I emerge from my dinosaurs, or my crochet-treadmill, or my splashing, I have such a surge of energy, the “lost time” is more than made up in increased cleverness in solving problems and getting tasks done, and the enthusiasm to embrace all the boring and/or scary parts.  It’s easy to plunge in and just git ‘er done, when you have so much fun to get back to!

Next week: pick something to learn.

Week after: start it.  Get through the initial discomfort to break through to the “wow, that’s cool.”   The discomfort that has been scaring you for years might only last a minute!

Want to discover more ways to have fun with the same 24 hours you have now?  Call for a FREE Getting Unstuck session (not a sales pitch).  www.soaringdragon.biz