An
excerpt from my 2017 book, Red State, Blue Heart, a memoir of my years in North
Carolina….
HE
WAS ENORMOUS!! THE SIZE OF AN AIRCRAFT CARRIER!! Well, maybe a pocket
battleship. He came at me with vicious intent, a blow glancing off my skull and
then he landed on my computer keyboard just as I hit the Publish buttom for my
last night’s blog. I screamed (of course). He attacked again and I screamed again,
remembering to cover my mouth this time. He landed on the keyboard again. The rational part of my brain (not doing much
at the moment) would like you to know that he looked almost exactly like a (slightly)
smaller version of the Shadows on Babylon 5, and I have my ex-husband the
entomologist’s voice in my head telling me that most bugs are female, so I
should say “she.”
Notwithstanding
the fact that she was the size of a house, I draped a towel over her and got
her out the back door, but not without several false-starts and enough
blood-curdling screams to bring my neighbors running. [Nice to know I have
backup when I need it – god bless Southerners!] So – what’s the point here, besides don’t invite
me to a restaurant to eat chocolate-covered multi-legged creatures?
1)
There are a lot more bugs in the moist and humid Southland than in the dry climates
I live in now, and some of them are ENORMOUS and using all of their persistence
and brain power 24/7 trying to get into my home to terrorize me. [I also need
to work on my paranoid tendencies, yup.] Native Southerners have been laughing
(mostly good-naturedly) at me for over three years. Laughing at one’s neighbors
did not end with Jane Austen in 1815. It’s still good, clean fun in the 21st
century. Y’all in non-southland states who are laughing at me right now – quess
what? As global warming continues, the bugs are moving northward. Ah-ha!
2)
fears are frequently not in proportion to the actual threat. Oh, yes, this is
the big one. It’s fun to laugh at people who have exaggerated fear-responses to
bugs and wasps, but the reality is that all of us have exaggerated fear
responses to something – and it is usually more social/interactional than
related to bugs and snakes and mousies, oh my. I work with people in career
transition, people who want better health and vitality, and people in other
kinds of transitions, many of whom stall part of the way through their way to
where they say they want to go. Lots of reasons on the surface. They all add up
to – at some point, fear takes over and no amount of encouragement or
inspiration from others can counteract that internally-generated fear. My
terror when confronted by a non-woman-eating insect is ludicrous.
When
I look around me, I see all of us running away from little bugs who loom
enormous in size and power, in our imaginations. Our brains are wired to
respond to fear, as a way to keep us alive in a predator-filled environment. In
today’s world, it is primarily social “death” we fear, an interpersonal attack,
with words expressing judgment, condemnation or contempt. We unleash these
weapons on each other to show how powerful we are [not realizing that it
actually demonstrates just the opposite, to someone who has a strong sense of
their own power], or to [benevolently] try to protect each other from what we
see as dangers [because, of course, they are all-knowing and all-wise, godlike
in their own perceptions and 100% know what the future will bring], or for gain
[promotions, a date, you name it].
Most
of what we are afraid of is not really the size of an aircraft carrier. So,
what “bugs” have you been afraid of? Sure, you’re not screaming loudly enough
to bring the neighbors running. Maybe
you have been shutting yourself down before you ever really consider certain
options. Maybe you let them start to surface before you thrust them away,
unconsidered.
A
big source of fear in our lives is What Will [People in general or a Specific
Person] Think? None of us like to admit that we crave approval, but nearly
everyone does nonetheless. We hold ourselves back from achievement to avoid
being criticized. We hold ourselves back from the possible failures that would
propel us light-years ahead in personal growth, because we are afraid of the I
Told You So and the amorphous Feeling Like A Fool. Well, I am here to tell you
that actually acting like a “fool” is the least foolish thing you will ever do
in your life.
It’s
sometimes painful, when you are walking a pristine path without a trail, but it
is in those moments that you are most truly alive, most truly in touch with the
DNA and the person you were born to be. Lots
of people think my bug freakouts are funny; some consider them shocking, and
try to induce shame in me for being so "weak," because I am "so
strong and capable the rest of the time."
As
Brene Brown would say, “Nonsense!”
As
Eleanor Roosevelt tells us, you gain courage from every time you stop to look
fear in the face and don’t back down.
After a while, you can’t be frightened by anything. You tell yourself, “Well, I lived through
these horrors, I can live through the next thing that comes along.” Eleanor conquered her extreme shyness and became
a wonderful public speaker and fearless advocate for the powerless, one scary confrontation
at a time. Some of them turned out to be
tiny insects when she confronted them, other fears stemmed from real
danger. But she built her courage
muscles, step by step, and so can you.
And so can I.
Your
homework assignment for next week: 1) consider some of your fears as possible
bugs, annoying but not life-threatening, 2) come running if your neighbors
scream, and 3) put up plastic sheeting on your windows. It not only cuts
heat/cooling losses and lowers your fuel bill, but it also keeps the damn wasps
out.
Contact
me for your FREE Getting Unstuck session (not a sales pitch). Victoria.leo.reiki@gmail.com
